the journals

Yes, I did indeed vote. I was a bit amazed by how utterly difficult it was. We vote here by shading in the appropriate circle across from the candidates’ names and then taking our paper to the vote-collector-person – but it was a bit confusing which circle went with which name. And the lady gave me no instructions, which left me entirely confused, so I asked. And she proceeded to tell me how to vote straight-ticket. I wish I remembered it perfectly, because I’m pretty sure she told me that you just fill in the circle for “Republican” (which she indicated) or “Democrat” (also indicated). Maybe I misunderstood her. But it wasn’t very good instructions, at any rate, and they really need to get the circles closer to the candidates’ names. I think they had way too many third-party people on there, too – I didn’t count, but it seemed to be something really excessive, like six. Peroutka, Badnarik, Nader… others I hadn’t heard of. And I’m glad I wasn’t doing a write-in, because that would’ve been really confusing – I’m not sure where you were supposed to write the name! There was no clear blank, just a word “write-in” and then a circle next to it to fill in.

So that was my first voting experience.

I thought I came to the polls somewhat prepared, having researched the US candidates (senators and representatives) and the local fellow (state representative, I think?) and decided who to vote for. Come to find out, we were also supposed to vote on school board appointments, circuit judges, some office having to do with soil management (that was particularly bewildering), and other things I’d never heard of. Along with a constitutional amendment.

Not sure how I missed the fact that Kentucky was one of the eleven states voting on gay marriage.

I voted for it, but I’m writing about it because it made me think. I’ve thought a lot about the concept of an amendment to the US Constitution, and while I definitely think that a definition of marriage is absolutely immoral if it includes anything other than one man and one woman, I’m not sure that such a thing ought to be the province of the federal government. I tend to think that the purpose of the federal government should be somewhat limited to enforcing the Constitution in all its lands and to national defense (also – I find Bush’s apparent idea that another purpose of federal government is to promote freedom elsewhere to be rather interesting). Anyway, I’m not entirely convinced about the idea of a federal constitutional amendment. But the idea of a state constitutional amendment was much easier to decide, because, well, that’s sorta what the state was invented for: to promote order. And promoting order includes declaring certain actions to be “crime,” and defining “crime” requires that one have some sort of moral base. In absolute monarchy, that moral base is determined by the monarch, and in democracy, it’s determined by the people. And I’m one of the people, so I guess I’m part of the moral base. I think gay marriage is wrong, so I voted to ban it. If the votes continue their current trend, then it shall be banned.

Ps – I know I’m not responding to comments, emails, etc. It’s not exactly on purpose… I just have been very busy and haven’t yet worked out how to deal well with what time I have.

A few things I’m learning from working:

• Eight and a half hours is a long time. At first, this was somewhat of a complaint of mine – I really have very little time left in the day by the time I get home – but today something snapped in my head and it turned from a complaint into a fact, which is an infinitely better thing for it to be. I’ve acquired a strange sense of realism that I probably should have had long ago: if I want to live the way we live, if I want to have a home and food and niceties, eight and a half hours a day is the price – and in some sense, it’s not really a very high one considering what comes from it.
• Being cheerful can make one cheerful. I need to be cheerful at work, even when I don’t feel like it – even more so than I had to be when I was student-teaching. It’s not so much about maintaining fairness and even-temperedness all the time (as teaching seemed to be about), but actually about keeping a smile on my face (and in my voice!) all the time, which seems much harder to do. It’s important to me, though; not only because it’s helpful to my actual job, but also because I am truly very happy, and that’s somewhat of a rarity, and it can make people wonder. Anyway, though: today it was difficult at points. And I was wondering – do I “use up” all my cheeryness during work, and thus not have the spirit to be so happy-tempered at home? But on reflection, I decided the answer to that was “no.” I suspect that being cheerful at work will simply make me into a more cheery person in general, especially if I strive for it to have that effect.
• I understand what people mean when they complain about never seeing the sunshine – finally! I haven’t seen the bright light of day since Monday. Yes, I could go outside on my breaks, but for some odd reason I haven’t (because it’s cold, perhaps). When I drive to work in the morning, it’s in the early dim light of still-dawning (which is better than dark, I admit), and when I drive home in the evening, it’s in the somewhat dreary light of dusk that comes just before the sunset begins to get pretty. I haven’t found the bright side of this yet, but I do like dawn very much, so it’s a nice time to be driving to work – very invigorating.

This is cross-posted from my other journal…

jobness
Much to my astonishment and much to the humbling of my pride, I still haven’t been able to find a job.  I estimate I’ve applied to well over a hundred jobs.  I’ve had interviews, some of which went marvelously well (I think I’m a good interviewee), but… no jobs.  I got to the end of an interview on Friday, and the fellow had finished telling me about all the benefits and figuring out how much per month I’d have to pay to have health insurance on Seth and I, and telling me about all the little details of the dress code – I think I’d pretty much gotten the job, at least that was the way he was talking – and then he says, oh, by the way, we require all our employees to work at least two Sundays a month.  He negotiated it down to one Sunday afternoon between church services, but I still couldn’t do that, and he couldn’t budge any farther.

I’m learning a lot about a lot of things (including myself) in this business of unemployment, like about trusting God to provide, and being much humbled (I went to college, graduated with honors, and I can’t even get the jobs that don’t require a high school diploma?).  It’s also made me very eager to work and more understanding of the value of money.  Provided that I don’t promptly forget everything I’ve learned, I’m sure I’ll look back at this as a good/helpful time.  And I’m trying very hard to rest in God’s sovereignty now, but honestly, I’m struggling with not being stressed and discouraged, and even sometimes a bit afraid of where the money’s going to come from if I don’t get a job.

Please, please pray for us.  That we’ll keep our perspective right and trust wholly and completely in God’s providence, and also that we’ll find a job.

sinness
But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh… But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.  And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. (Galations 5:16, 22-24)

Church this morning brought this to mind, although the sermon was on the Prodigal Son, of all things.  I think I used to think that the fruit of the Spirit and the gifts of the Spirit were sorta the same thing – that we got some of them and not others, but that all were good.  But not so; these things are the fruit (singular…) of the Spirit.  This is what comes to bear in the life of a believer.

I was musing this morning – many of these, I don’t have very much of.  I’m so far from perfect, I’m so depraved apart from grace.  And the question arose in my mind: Why isn’t my sin more offensive to me?  I’m not worthy of any of God’s grace, and yet He has bestowed it so bountifully, so why do I persist in stumbling?  Why, when I am so determined to speak with gentleness and patience, do I instead speak in anger and hurtfulness?

My mind knows the “right” answers, but my heart isn’t satisfied with them.  I ache to be free, to be pleasing, to stop doing those things which I do not want to do!

Click the title to read the whole chapter.

By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to a place that he was to receive as an inheritance. And he went out, not knowing where he was going. By faith he went to live in the land of promise, as in a foreign land, living in tents with Isaac and Jacob, heirs with him of the same promise. For he was looking forward to the city that has foundations, whose designer and builder is God….

These all died in faith, not having received the things promised, but having seen them and greeted them from afar, and having acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. For people who speak thus make it clear that they are seeking a homeland. If they had been thinking of that land from which they had gone out, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared for them a city.

For some reason, I never really saw this in Hebrews 11 before – the chapter seems so famous as the “faith” chapter, and it’s easy to quote the first verse as a sort of definition of faith without really understanding what it means in context. A lot of the chapter goes through all these OT people and says what they did by faith… yet it seems to me that the verses above, especially the second paragraph, are really very key. Strangers and exiles, seeking a homeland, and not thinking of that land from which they have come, but desiring a better one… and God prepared a city.

I’ve been very much encouraged/challenged/stirred by this yesterday and today, and thought I’d share.