Julie's Journal

Ps – I know I’m not responding to comments, emails, etc. It’s not exactly on purpose… I just have been very busy and haven’t yet worked out how to deal well with what time I have.

A few things I’m learning from working:

• Eight and a half hours is a long time. At first, this was somewhat of a complaint of mine – I really have very little time left in the day by the time I get home – but today something snapped in my head and it turned from a complaint into a fact, which is an infinitely better thing for it to be. I’ve acquired a strange sense of realism that I probably should have had long ago: if I want to live the way we live, if I want to have a home and food and niceties, eight and a half hours a day is the price – and in some sense, it’s not really a very high one considering what comes from it.
• Being cheerful can make one cheerful. I need to be cheerful at work, even when I don’t feel like it – even more so than I had to be when I was student-teaching. It’s not so much about maintaining fairness and even-temperedness all the time (as teaching seemed to be about), but actually about keeping a smile on my face (and in my voice!) all the time, which seems much harder to do. It’s important to me, though; not only because it’s helpful to my actual job, but also because I am truly very happy, and that’s somewhat of a rarity, and it can make people wonder. Anyway, though: today it was difficult at points. And I was wondering – do I “use up” all my cheeryness during work, and thus not have the spirit to be so happy-tempered at home? But on reflection, I decided the answer to that was “no.” I suspect that being cheerful at work will simply make me into a more cheery person in general, especially if I strive for it to have that effect.
• I understand what people mean when they complain about never seeing the sunshine – finally! I haven’t seen the bright light of day since Monday. Yes, I could go outside on my breaks, but for some odd reason I haven’t (because it’s cold, perhaps). When I drive to work in the morning, it’s in the early dim light of still-dawning (which is better than dark, I admit), and when I drive home in the evening, it’s in the somewhat dreary light of dusk that comes just before the sunset begins to get pretty. I haven’t found the bright side of this yet, but I do like dawn very much, so it’s a nice time to be driving to work – very invigorating.